Picking Up Items
by Heiseyhobbit
Summary: Why Norge needs a Dane to go shopping. Poorly written oneshot! :D T for innuendo


Hey, it's me. The one who rarely writes, and poorly at that.

I own nothing except for my beloved laptop, and half made ideas I come up with at 1 am... This is why I shouldn't be allowed to think at that time. Or any time really. I am not a writer, so don't expect much.

Every other week Denmark noticed something different about Iceland's moods. The usually quiet nation would be furious (unnoticeable to the untrained eye), without any reason. So the King of Scandinavia took it upon himself to eliminate the poor boy's problems. He was going to go grocery shopping with Norway. When he informed Iceland of his plan, he was skeptical and Norge was indifferent. Usually Ice wasn't unhappy about spending time with his brother, which Denmark could understand, 'cause Norge was a total babe, but the teen hated shopping with the blond. He might not show it, but he loved his bro, and was a bit overprotective when even the most wholesome and kind man put the moves on Norway. SERIOUSLY, Norge was like his ex-wife, and even he was chased away with that stupid terrifying puffin... Whatever, he was going to get Ice's blessings and then he and Norge were going to get married on a mountaintop. He'd even invite the Swede.

Denmark was jolted from his daydream….. FUTURE, when he heard the sound of a car backing out of the driveway. When he ran outside he was sure Norge had seen him, but he must not have since he was driving away at a faster speed, so Denmark gave him a friendly reminder by jumping on the hood. As he slid in the passenger seat, he flashed his most brilliant smile to his beloved. Norge just stared.

"Idiot."

"Awwww, but you love me anyways!" As he stated this obvious fact, he noticed that the Norwegian's hands were white from gripping the steering wheel. He would have to look into that as well. Apart form their rather one-sided conversation, the drive was uneventful. When they arrived, Norway masterfully parked and they entered that wonder called the "supermarket."

Norway soon discovered, to his dismay, that Denmark was one of those people who see grocery stores as heaven. He pulled the slighter man around to gaze at products and their labels. He made faces at the cameras, and was enchanted with the bright lights and colours. Norway was barely able to stop the man from crashing into stands with their squeaky cart. Yet this trip was going relatively well until they came upon the beer aisle. The Dane's eyes grew wide as he ogled the drinks. He could faintly hear Norway warning him not to cause any trouble if he ever wanted to return. Was Norway asking him out again? Hell, if Ice had a problem with this, he'd be sure to replace him for every trip. Norge and beer... What else could he want?

He was soon to find out what had angered the usually stoic Ice. As they neared the deli, the worker behind the counter, "Eric" according to the nametag, lit up.

"Hello again, Mr. Mysterious! Are you going to give me a name or number today?" He slid his elbows on the counter to get closer to the blond.

Norge shook his head, "maybe another day Eric."

"So you want my meat? It's very popular with both men and ladies."

This was when Denmark decided that no; he did not like this store. He didn't like the products and he didn't like this guy hitting on HIS Norge. He smirked, knowing what was about to happen. Norge would give this man one of his death glares, and they would move on. He knew how scary those glares were, as he received a lot of them, but his were full of love. This man would learn to leave his Norge alone.

"That's good to hear. You usually have the best meat. I'll have a pound of ham please."

"You sure? I've got some very special meat that's 'best if used by tonight'. If you're interested."

All Denmark could do was gape. The love of his life was being harassed, and wasn't going crazy. That scum was being lewd and he had to protect his lady love's honour. As he started to move toward this offending man, he remembered Norge's warning. He was not allowed to make a commotion, and he could see that him ripping some punk in half could be seen as a commotion to some people. So he waited, seething, engraving the man's features into his mind, so he could pay him a "visit," later.

"No thank you. I prefer fresh meat."

"Mine's as fresh as it gets. Don't you want to try a spicy sausage? How about bacon? Wanna strip?"

He clamped his hands on the Norwegian's shoulders and led him away from the deli.

He was vaguely aware that Norway was spouting irritated words at him until he felt they were a safe distance away. He decided they were done shopping for meat, and that it was time to move to another aisle. Yet his beautiful Norge was a magnet for creeps. The weirdest thing was how Norway took it all. He acted as though they weren't using bad pickup lines on him. Like while perusing the cereal he was asked if, since he liked Kelloggs, he would frost the man's flakes. Norway told him that if he was looking for frosted flakes, he had the wrong box. Or "you're so hot you make my bread rise." During most of this torture, the Dane's face was growing red from both anger and the innuendo being used. After "Want a roll in the Bakery Department?" he took Norge aside after his reply of "I need more than one roll, unless I want to share."

"What are you doing Norge? Are you seriously okay with what these men are telling you?"

Norway rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about? And stop calling me that."

Denmark sputtered.

"You don't know what's going on... do you?"

Norway gave him a strange look and Denmark burst into fake tears.

"THANK YOU THOR!" He sobbed into Norway's shoulder, and had his back patted awkwardly by the Norwegian. After a few minutes of this, he decided to tell the man what the problem was. He made sure to make the distinction between what was okay for HIM to say and what they weren't allowed to say. Norway's face remained in a frown throughout "the talk." He walked to the fast lane register, leaving the Dane behind. Said Dane pranced to his beloved, and even allowed an "I don't care how many items you've got, babe, I could check you out all day long!" As long as they knew that Norge belonged to him, he would let some slip by. After they had relocated to a "safer" check out, Norway paused.

"Why exactly, are you allowed to make such... statements to me?"

"'Cause I looooooove you. So much. And even if you don't say it, you love me back," he grinned cheekily.

"...Is that so?"

Then Norge smiled, and slight as it was, it warmed the Dane's heart.

As they walked past the produce to Norway's horror, there was a final "if I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?" Thankfully, his knight with shining hair gel swiftly took care of the problem with a punch. After being pulled apart, and banned from the perimeter, Denmark, with an arm slung over Norway's shoulders, swaggered outside.

As they buckled up, Norway darted forward and gave him a small peck on the cheek. Denmark, with a look of awe and sheer happiness touched his face to make sure it was real. Norway, blushing started the car, and avoided his companion's face.

And so Denmark started plotting against unsuspecting grocers, was kicked out of the house when Ice found out who was responsible for his Nii-chan's blush, won his one true love, and started planning for his magical wedding, which, Ice insisted, was not happening. And Norge just smiled.


End file.
